Super Bowl Winner Nick Foles Gets Another Prize: Owner of the Biggest Bulge in Football

We know that some of you watched the Super Bowl this Sunday. Whether or not you were mainly watching for the game, the advertisements or the hot guys, we hope you enjoyed it. But as for us, we couldn’t help but wonder who on the field had the largest Vince Lombardi. But we’ve found out — from all reports, the Eagles’ Nick Foles penis is the winner — or weiner — of that particular contest.

Sadly, no photographic evidence exists, but we do have word from one of his teammates. In a Reddit “Ask Me Anything” post from three years ago, Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Connor Barwin confirmed. When Redditor jonnnnnnnnnn asked:

Lifelong Eagles fan here to the point of being able to rattle off strength and conditioning coaches, practice squad lineman, etc.

One factoid I’ll never have access to: Biggest weiner in the locker room? My sleeper picks are Alex ‘Moose Knuckle’ Henery and Nasty Nate Allen. Your astute clarification would be appreciated.

Barwin replied:

Doesn’t the internet know it’s Nick Foles?

“I do not condone this reply.” — Evan Mathis

That’s not a new rumor. According to Deadspin, Foles got the nickname “Big Dick Nick” in college. His college teammates also called him “Footlong Foles.”

And, honestly, Foles is more than his apparently massive donger. Nick Foles took over as quarterback earlier this season when former Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz shredded his knee. In his new role, Foles thrived. He was a huge part of the Eagles’ 41-33 win over the New England Patriots on Sunday. (Unfortunately, there is no word on the direct influence Nick Foles penis had on the outcome of the game.)

Congrats, Nick, on your team’s win! And he can take comfort in the fact that, even if he lost, he’d still have one of the biggest boners in football.