Iced, Iced Baby: Bros of the White House Have a Penchant for Forced Chugging of Smirnoff Ice

Oh, Smirnoff Ice. That alcoholic nectar preferred by 14-year-old kids and your Aunt Linda. Now it even has the White House’s unofficial seal of approval, and we’re left with so many questions. Isn’t the true American bro ‘ice’ that of the Natty variety? Could this be another sign of collusion with Russia? Is this what finally makes America great again? Let’s explore.

According to a story by the Washington Post looking into the lack of experience in the Presidential Personnel Office (PPO), a department holding influence over access to political appointees — and most likely as caucasian as the White House intern pool — workers in the office celebrated the 30th birthday of the PPO’s Deputy Director by “icing” him.

For those unfamiliar with the term, “icing” someone involves presenting a hidden Smirnoff Ice and making the recipient chug the sweet malt beverage, usually while they take a knee. (Funny enough, conservatives have yet to protest this reverent act.)

Most commonly performed while kneeling on a sticky frat house floor, “getting iced” seems a little out of place for the White House.